Substance abuse

been debating on talking about my past substance abuse problems to help others

I’ve been going back and forth like a tennis ball debating if I should speak publicly about my past substance abuse to have the hopes to help someone who’s currently struggling or is in recovery like me (staying sober even on the hard days). First of all I don’t come from a place of judgement with this topic, I am not a professional, I am just a really wise bimbo with a keyboard and writing has become my therapy, I genuinely do hope it has the benefit of helping you or someone you love. I dedicate this article to those I lost including my own cousin to substance abuse & alcoholism. .

If you read my previous articles my mother was a vicious animal, but the more I sit down and digest of what I worked hard to kick my mother also struggled with. My mother was kicked out of school before she graduated in the early 80’s because she was pregnant with my sister, she never graduated. But she also struggled with substance abuse around her pregnancy, i’m not sure if she did anything with my sister but I wouldn’t doubt it by the way she turned out to be. She eventually became sober once she lost her best friend to a drunk driver. But something was off and I notice it much more now being older.

I’ve been seeing a therapist for two months now and it’s honestly have given me a lot of understanding about why I got into porn etc. I noticed something was off about my mother, how can moods shift so quick and volatile and at times be extremely violent. As I got older my mother told me about her substance abuse problems when she found out I had mine, I was in high school.

I needed an escape from being abused at home and bullied at school. I was so depressed, my mother never went to see a professional she thought throwing objects and shoes at me was normal, and my older sister beating me to a pulp was healthy. Hell yeah I wanted to do some snow and take an x pill, are you kidding me? anything was better than being bulled at school. I needed an escape. I was doing drugs whenever I had the opportunity to, I wanted to escape this reality I was living in what was utter hell on earth.

Even though the high felt better than what I was feeling, I knew deep down this wasn’t the healthy way to cope. Over the years to keep things short, it started making me feel worse, instead of an escape it felt more like a prison. It became one of the most expensive habits I ever had just because I wanted to escape the pain that was inflicted on me at such a young age by all angles, and my mother once never took me to see a professional. Eventually all my walls caved in and everything that has happened in my life has given me a disorder.

My mother came from the generation that didn’t believe in therapy, her drug use and the worlds abuse has given her something much worse than what I deal with. I could never imagine saying the things she said to me or physically did to harm me to my own child, she either had a undiagnosed severe illness or she’s just an evil bitch and i’ll leave it at that. I could never imagine making something about myself when my own chid came to me for help or comfort. My parents were the root of my substance abuse problem but also the death of it too.

The longer I don’t speak to my parents, each calendar day I cross is another day sober. However i’m locking into therapy undoing all the damage and wanting to break the generational trauma. I honestly am extremely grateful to the programs out there and the resources I had access to combat my substance abuse, 2026 has been no snow and a handful of drinks which won’t grow past that as well. But i’m also here addressing my health issues with a professional. Millions of people abuse substances, because they don’t have a healthy outlet, or a good circle.

Becoming sober came with a lot of goodbyes; it was goodbye to the people that don’t respect my choices of being sober, goodbye to my triggers, and goodbye to the substances, it was my chemical romance. it’s also a lot of work to undo the damage it has done to me. You’re best not to touch that stuff, i’m glad I got sober when I did and I choose to not continue to partake. I’m not gonna lie I do snap and want to relapse or walk into a bar and have beer, but I also have the people around me that encourage me it’s never worth breaking sobriety.

I genuinely want to help those to avoid substances to escape the pain and talk to a professional, or if your parents were abusive… speak to someone. Mental illness is common, substance abuse is to escape the pain or fill the void….. I’m glad I choose sobriety and find a different outlet for triggers…. But I believe we should stop punishing people that abuse substances and offer more help and understanding. Those that offered me help and understanding gave me a safe space to unpack things. Just as to those that troll online, you can’t help but to feel sorry for them. Imagine they’re miserable to try to hurt others online because there’s something they are suffering with and refuse to get help with. & if you’re one of those people I pray every time you see my name and I hope my prayer of you finding peace lives rent free in your head. I think i’ll write a series about this…… follow me for more <3

If this article does get feed back I’m thinking of opening an online support group for substance abusers that want the courage and peer to peer help to see a better way.